There are little people that come into the world that you bonded with before that ever happened. These can be children of course, but it can also be Grandchildren. Through many events, we haven't gotten to see ours very much. But they are coming for a visit on Sunday and will return home on Friday.
My heart beats with new fervor, the world looks a little rosier, my step a little lighter. There is something about holding their little hands and knowing that this is the carrying on of our family, my blood doesn't flow in their veins, my son is adopted, but never the less, the feeling is the same. They are part of me, my son and their mom.
They are so precious to me. Every mannerism, twinkle in their eyes just endears them to me even more. It is fun to be the grandma as opposed to the mom, lol. I can let them eat sugar, stay up late, whatever we want. They are royalty to me and their wish is my command if possible. Particularly these two who have not had an easy road of it. Their mom does a good job and seeing to their needs, but she is struggling to keep their heads above water and my son has been of no help at all, and especially now that he is in prison. This brought a whole new bunch of problems to these two angels. My heart's desire is to have them have a week with no worries, only peace and fun.
Before you have grandkids, you don't quite get what all the hubbub's about...then you have them and you get it. The sun indeed rises and sets with them. Your heart overflows with desires for a happy and healthy life for them.
Because we haven't seen them is so long, Sunday is a day I never knew would happen again, like a dream. I know when we are together, we will fall right back into place, and tho we have no money to do anything, we will have picnics, park runs and maybe some ice cream at Blind George's and a soda at the Pharmacy. This will have to do, but they won't know we're making do, cuz they're good kids and not spoiled, they'll have a good time, we'll have a good time and we'll all fall in love all over again. And hopefully we will see them more if God allows.
My heart overflows right now. Precious little smiles and hugs will soon be ours. And as a secondary blessing, they are bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh too, a real life connection to my son who is gone for such a long time. I can see him in their sweet faces. Thank You Lord for this unspeakably cherished gift.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
Spiritual Workouts
"When you go
through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of
difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you." Isaiah 43:2
Endurance.
Perseverance. We hear these
words, but usually we secretly hope we never have to exercise these spiritual
muscles. How we handle trials will
determine whether our faith strengthens or fades. We can sound lofty and idyllic all we want,
but if we fade with the coming of trials, all our speech is for naught.
The really hard trials, the loss of a child, a terminal
disease, prolonged unemployment, the loss of one's home, etc., these things can
break us, but that is not always bad.
When we are truly broken, we find we are not enough in ourselves to make
it through. It is at that moment that we
either let bitterness and depression get a foothold, or cry out to God for
help, which He is always faithful to give.
"He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings shall you
trust and find refuge; His truth and His faithfulness are a shield and a
buckler." Psalm 91: 4
He may not always change our circumstances, and this is
where it gets gritty, He did not promise to do that, He promised to see us
through and never leave us. . As we grow in our faith, at first this can
seem like little comfort and help, but as we grow and mature, we see the true
gift that it is. Banging our heads
against the wall helps nothing and only gives us a headache. Quietly trusting, even when our hearts are
absolutely breaking, will bring us through to the other side with a confidence
in our God that we had not before experienced.
Which leads to greater faith for whatever comes.
We are strengthened, with an unshakable belief that God
will never fail us, which enables us to minister to those around us. Literally being a trail blazer to another
sojourner in need of a scout to show the way.
I pray that we all experience this kind of intimacy with the Savior,
resulting in an even closer bond with the One who is Everything.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Appearances Are Deceiving
I walked this morning with Molly, my daughter. I meet her at her place about 6:00 a.m. with my doxie, Sadie, she with her pup, Mattie. We walk in the dark about a mile. I like walking early, before my mind collects the clutter of the day. I was thinking how it all just piles up. By day's end, a pile of worries over there, of fear yonder, of all kinds of negativity, and the positive piles....they're there, gratitude for the love in my life, human and non, but they just can't seem to throw the balance.
So, in the cool, crisp post-dawn air, my thinking feels clear and unhurried. As is often my custom, I talk to the Lord as I walk. I pass one certain house that I really like the look of. There are two torch lights on either side of the garage that are always on, as well as one by the front door. There are several cars parked in the driveway. It looks like a home filled with family and I imagine the lights left on for teenagers getting home late and such. It makes me smile, and feel a little envious. And when it looked like we would be moving to McMinnville and have a real life, I thought we'd have a house very similar. We may not have the comings and goings like that, but it would be a cozy shelter, an ever-ready haven for any family or friends that came. Now as I walk by, it is actually hard to not have tears begin to come. The rescinding of the dream that was within a hair's breadth of coming true. Full-size washer and dryer, so I could actually wash blankets, doggie bed, whatever needed it, and glorious, clean, shiny windows in every room. I pictured the sun filtering in through breezy curtains in the bedroom each morning. Anyhow, without going back into those memories, or desires, it all went away as quickly as it started.
I have walked with Him for 46 years. Speaking with Him is as natural as breathing. I will confess that my faith trembled when that happened. So long waiting for it, thinking that life would return to normal concerns and problems, away from this over-shadowing black cloud that colors all we think and do. To have it disappear before it really began just made me think Him cruel and mean. It was wrong thinking, but there you have it, I cannot deny that I did think it.
As I walk along these mornings, I still struggle with some of those questions. I have come to remember His grace, His mercy, His love and firmly believe He spared us some unforeseen disaster. Only He knows, but He is trustworthy and faithful. So this morning as I walked along thinking, some self-pity creeping in, which I loathe, He said to me, my own people missed me in their midst because I didn't come the way they thought I would. And I heard Him. Am I missing Him in this circumstance because He is not looking like I think He should look? I never want to miss Him, He is life, He is indeed the air I breathe.
So, though I am dumb-founded about the why of everything, we will now have to move as well in the coming year, our building is being sold. And we cannot afford to live anywhere else, the rent is uber-cheap and includes utilities, there is still no job, there are some health issues, I must look into everyday moments for Him. He assured me in His Word He would never leave me, so I must be missing something. I will now make every attempt to find Him in moments of the day where I might not expect to. In His presence is peace, longed for peace and He offers it freely, sometimes that still small voice is drowned out by life, I must make every effort to listen.
So, in the cool, crisp post-dawn air, my thinking feels clear and unhurried. As is often my custom, I talk to the Lord as I walk. I pass one certain house that I really like the look of. There are two torch lights on either side of the garage that are always on, as well as one by the front door. There are several cars parked in the driveway. It looks like a home filled with family and I imagine the lights left on for teenagers getting home late and such. It makes me smile, and feel a little envious. And when it looked like we would be moving to McMinnville and have a real life, I thought we'd have a house very similar. We may not have the comings and goings like that, but it would be a cozy shelter, an ever-ready haven for any family or friends that came. Now as I walk by, it is actually hard to not have tears begin to come. The rescinding of the dream that was within a hair's breadth of coming true. Full-size washer and dryer, so I could actually wash blankets, doggie bed, whatever needed it, and glorious, clean, shiny windows in every room. I pictured the sun filtering in through breezy curtains in the bedroom each morning. Anyhow, without going back into those memories, or desires, it all went away as quickly as it started.
I have walked with Him for 46 years. Speaking with Him is as natural as breathing. I will confess that my faith trembled when that happened. So long waiting for it, thinking that life would return to normal concerns and problems, away from this over-shadowing black cloud that colors all we think and do. To have it disappear before it really began just made me think Him cruel and mean. It was wrong thinking, but there you have it, I cannot deny that I did think it.
As I walk along these mornings, I still struggle with some of those questions. I have come to remember His grace, His mercy, His love and firmly believe He spared us some unforeseen disaster. Only He knows, but He is trustworthy and faithful. So this morning as I walked along thinking, some self-pity creeping in, which I loathe, He said to me, my own people missed me in their midst because I didn't come the way they thought I would. And I heard Him. Am I missing Him in this circumstance because He is not looking like I think He should look? I never want to miss Him, He is life, He is indeed the air I breathe.
So, though I am dumb-founded about the why of everything, we will now have to move as well in the coming year, our building is being sold. And we cannot afford to live anywhere else, the rent is uber-cheap and includes utilities, there is still no job, there are some health issues, I must look into everyday moments for Him. He assured me in His Word He would never leave me, so I must be missing something. I will now make every attempt to find Him in moments of the day where I might not expect to. In His presence is peace, longed for peace and He offers it freely, sometimes that still small voice is drowned out by life, I must make every effort to listen.
Monday, November 5, 2012
So I try to find a devo for women over 50, well over 50 actually. In a few years it will be, "over 60." I am thinking today about yesterday. My husband and I find ourselves like so many others, dealing with long-term unemployment. He recently got a good job, we thought, turns out after 3 months on the job, they have no work for next year and he is working 4-day work weeks now. Hopefully they will get work and all will be well.
It has been a long path, over 5 years without work. He would take whatever he could get being a man in his 50's. So he did work a little, but nothing permanent until now. During that whole time, we met, fell in love and married. And the thing that can bring me to tears in a heartbeat is when I think of the faithfulness of the Lord. We never lost our little apartment, went without food or medical care, because of the goodness of God's provision, and His people. The upside was that my new husband and I were together 24/7 for the past 5 years and that was a blessing. We very rarely had any money to do anything, but we are so in love, it was okay. We made our own special times, preparing a special dinner together, going on picnics, watching something special on TV. We took advantage of the things that are free in our community. The First Friday art night was one of our favorites and was like a date. And for a brief season, a local coffee house, The Dancing Otter, became a haven for us, serving up coffee, free music and poetry. We got to know people there that we would not have met otherwise and we are still friends today.
My husband would walk over to the market and shop the bargain meat bin. He almost always came home with a fantastic deal on stuff we could never afford otherwise. We got food stamps and they were truly lifesavers and we are forever grateful.
As time wore on and our church family became more and more aware of our dire straights, despite our best efforts, they helped us too. We took a box of dry goods occasionally at church, we have received anonymous notes saying our rent was paid, anonymous envelopes in the offering, gifts from friends. I could go on and on, each time, our hearts were absolutely broken at the generosity and love we were shown.
I mean, to say it out loud, unemployed for over 5 years, it sounds impossible that we are still standing. Only our God could sustain us. We had plenty of down times, almost more than we could bear at times. But that is when something would happen to let us know God had not forgotten us and was aware.
The key thing for us, after our own personal walk with the Lord, was staying as active as possible in our church. We were there almost every time the doors were open, and we contributed what we could to meals and such for some of the classes. It is like a sampling of heaven to be with our church family. It gave us strength to keep on keeping on.
I know of nothing like prolonged poverty to humble you, make you grateful for every single thing, to help you lose all pretenses and show you just how good, loving and big, God is. How personally He loves us and will care for us.
Now that my husband is working, we are relieved of course, but also know that we need to acknowledge it for what it is. For now, it is a huge blessing and we pray it continues, but if not, we will look to God for our provision yet again. I mean, we look to Him now, the job is from Him, but you know what I mean.
If I told every story of the past 5 years, from how my husband and I met, all the little things He did to provide for us, it would be a book. Suffice to say, God loves us, promised to provide, He kept His word, He always does....what love.
It has been a long path, over 5 years without work. He would take whatever he could get being a man in his 50's. So he did work a little, but nothing permanent until now. During that whole time, we met, fell in love and married. And the thing that can bring me to tears in a heartbeat is when I think of the faithfulness of the Lord. We never lost our little apartment, went without food or medical care, because of the goodness of God's provision, and His people. The upside was that my new husband and I were together 24/7 for the past 5 years and that was a blessing. We very rarely had any money to do anything, but we are so in love, it was okay. We made our own special times, preparing a special dinner together, going on picnics, watching something special on TV. We took advantage of the things that are free in our community. The First Friday art night was one of our favorites and was like a date. And for a brief season, a local coffee house, The Dancing Otter, became a haven for us, serving up coffee, free music and poetry. We got to know people there that we would not have met otherwise and we are still friends today.
My husband would walk over to the market and shop the bargain meat bin. He almost always came home with a fantastic deal on stuff we could never afford otherwise. We got food stamps and they were truly lifesavers and we are forever grateful.
As time wore on and our church family became more and more aware of our dire straights, despite our best efforts, they helped us too. We took a box of dry goods occasionally at church, we have received anonymous notes saying our rent was paid, anonymous envelopes in the offering, gifts from friends. I could go on and on, each time, our hearts were absolutely broken at the generosity and love we were shown.
I mean, to say it out loud, unemployed for over 5 years, it sounds impossible that we are still standing. Only our God could sustain us. We had plenty of down times, almost more than we could bear at times. But that is when something would happen to let us know God had not forgotten us and was aware.
The key thing for us, after our own personal walk with the Lord, was staying as active as possible in our church. We were there almost every time the doors were open, and we contributed what we could to meals and such for some of the classes. It is like a sampling of heaven to be with our church family. It gave us strength to keep on keeping on.
I know of nothing like prolonged poverty to humble you, make you grateful for every single thing, to help you lose all pretenses and show you just how good, loving and big, God is. How personally He loves us and will care for us.
Now that my husband is working, we are relieved of course, but also know that we need to acknowledge it for what it is. For now, it is a huge blessing and we pray it continues, but if not, we will look to God for our provision yet again. I mean, we look to Him now, the job is from Him, but you know what I mean.
If I told every story of the past 5 years, from how my husband and I met, all the little things He did to provide for us, it would be a book. Suffice to say, God loves us, promised to provide, He kept His word, He always does....what love.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Passing Understanding
My heart is heavy tonight. I know of so many people suffering so many different things, illness, unemployment, dealing with new circumstances, etc. I love each one and my emotions run high and hard for them, and for ourselves. Still waiting to see if this job will work out.
It's not really about the circumstances, especially as a Christian, knowing the One who loves me best holds our days in His loving hands. But sometimes sorrow can overtake a heart that yearns to see those deserving be blessed with an abundance of what they need. I know that Christ is enough, His Word says His grace is sufficient, and so it is, I know by experience. And i'm not saying it isn't, or pretending that it is because if I didn't, that would make it not true, and ergo, He not believable. I know it is, but because of the very fact that His Spirit is in me, I long for justice, for blessing, for health, for enough, for laughter, for goodness.
What times we live in where things are backwards in many cases. Where parents get mad at school principals because their kids cheated, where 6 inches determines life or death, where the government has taken over the church's responsibility because the church has either failed, or hasn't the resources needed. That's just what comes to mind now, I am finding my mind being drawn away from what I know. Looking at circumstances and deciding that I need to worry. It does not matter what happens in the next month and a half. If my God wants us in McMinnville, then that's where we'll be, nothing can stop it, and if He doesn't, nothing can force it. I know that Dave is doing his very best, putting in longer than required hours and trying to live up to the excellence he demands of himself. So if it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be, no matter little sense it makes to us. I will cling to the Word of God and trust.
I have a dear friend who deals with chronic illness every single day, and does so with a smile. Other friends contending with cancer, and have been for a long time, I have never known such dignity and grace, and probably never will again. We have lost a dear, dear friend this past year to cancer, the loss is still felt. I know very few people who are okay on all fronts. Everybody's got something. It's how we deal with it that's the thing I guess. But some it seems get more than their fair share. Which could again, make me question my Creator. But no, I lay the blame squarely where it belongs, and that is to the enemy of our souls. We live in a fallen world, we cannot expect heaven here, aside from those beautiful souls that give us a glimpse from time to time. This is not Home, can't expect it to feel like it.
So, I know the bottom line, and I trust in my God. But tonight, this moment, I cry out to Him for my friends, for ourselves, and I know that as soon as my words cross my lips, they are met with compassion and love, and action, though I may not see it immediately. Jesus...Jesus...what that name evokes in me is perfect peace, and love. No way to explain it to someone who doesn't know, and how you wish you could.
I pray for wisdom, faith, patience and peace. He is gracious, merciful, loving, kind, He gives what I need, when I need it. And in His arms I rest.
It's not really about the circumstances, especially as a Christian, knowing the One who loves me best holds our days in His loving hands. But sometimes sorrow can overtake a heart that yearns to see those deserving be blessed with an abundance of what they need. I know that Christ is enough, His Word says His grace is sufficient, and so it is, I know by experience. And i'm not saying it isn't, or pretending that it is because if I didn't, that would make it not true, and ergo, He not believable. I know it is, but because of the very fact that His Spirit is in me, I long for justice, for blessing, for health, for enough, for laughter, for goodness.
What times we live in where things are backwards in many cases. Where parents get mad at school principals because their kids cheated, where 6 inches determines life or death, where the government has taken over the church's responsibility because the church has either failed, or hasn't the resources needed. That's just what comes to mind now, I am finding my mind being drawn away from what I know. Looking at circumstances and deciding that I need to worry. It does not matter what happens in the next month and a half. If my God wants us in McMinnville, then that's where we'll be, nothing can stop it, and if He doesn't, nothing can force it. I know that Dave is doing his very best, putting in longer than required hours and trying to live up to the excellence he demands of himself. So if it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be, no matter little sense it makes to us. I will cling to the Word of God and trust.
I have a dear friend who deals with chronic illness every single day, and does so with a smile. Other friends contending with cancer, and have been for a long time, I have never known such dignity and grace, and probably never will again. We have lost a dear, dear friend this past year to cancer, the loss is still felt. I know very few people who are okay on all fronts. Everybody's got something. It's how we deal with it that's the thing I guess. But some it seems get more than their fair share. Which could again, make me question my Creator. But no, I lay the blame squarely where it belongs, and that is to the enemy of our souls. We live in a fallen world, we cannot expect heaven here, aside from those beautiful souls that give us a glimpse from time to time. This is not Home, can't expect it to feel like it.
So, I know the bottom line, and I trust in my God. But tonight, this moment, I cry out to Him for my friends, for ourselves, and I know that as soon as my words cross my lips, they are met with compassion and love, and action, though I may not see it immediately. Jesus...Jesus...what that name evokes in me is perfect peace, and love. No way to explain it to someone who doesn't know, and how you wish you could.
I pray for wisdom, faith, patience and peace. He is gracious, merciful, loving, kind, He gives what I need, when I need it. And in His arms I rest.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
I was just thinking...
After my walk this morning, while driving home, I was thinking of all that lie ahead. If all goes well, a move 4 hours away. All the packing, expense and details of that. If it doesn't work out, what will we do then? My mind began to swirl, and I was reminded of Philippians 4:6, "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and
supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." And even more, I Peter 5:7, "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." So then I began to question why this is so difficult for me. I mean I totally believe God's Word and do not struggle with salvation and other things, but to give Him all of my worries and care, that is so very hard.
So, it occurred to me, it must be a trust issue. Jesus said not to be anxious, period. He did not say, don't be anxious, give it all to me and i'll work it out just how you like it, don't be anxious, I'll do whatever you want, etc. Just don't be anxious. I know the why of it. Because He loves us so much, no more need be said...if we trust Him.
Why is this so hard? If you've been a Christian very long, you've learned that what seems good in our economy, is not always good in heaven's. God sees the end from the beginning and always acts according to our good. Romans 8:28. Ah, there's the rub. Who determines what "good" is? If it is us, life will be prosperous, we'll be healthy and won't have a care. If God does, there will be suffering along with blessing. I Peter 4:12-13 says, "12 Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." And James 1:2-4, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
So it is in this tension between what seems right to me, and what is right in God's will, life must be lived. So though I know I will continue to struggle between the two, I remain totally submitted to His will, ultimately trusting in Him, even when it is difficult. After all, what is faith? Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." And 2 Corinthians 5:6, "We live by faith, not by sight." So I must remind myself, He is trustworthy and I am to live by that alone. Meanwhile, i'll struggle, get angry and frustrated, even though there is no need.....will I ever learn? Thank You Lord for being patient with me and for helping me.
So, it occurred to me, it must be a trust issue. Jesus said not to be anxious, period. He did not say, don't be anxious, give it all to me and i'll work it out just how you like it, don't be anxious, I'll do whatever you want, etc. Just don't be anxious. I know the why of it. Because He loves us so much, no more need be said...if we trust Him.
Why is this so hard? If you've been a Christian very long, you've learned that what seems good in our economy, is not always good in heaven's. God sees the end from the beginning and always acts according to our good. Romans 8:28. Ah, there's the rub. Who determines what "good" is? If it is us, life will be prosperous, we'll be healthy and won't have a care. If God does, there will be suffering along with blessing. I Peter 4:12-13 says, "12 Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." And James 1:2-4, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
So it is in this tension between what seems right to me, and what is right in God's will, life must be lived. So though I know I will continue to struggle between the two, I remain totally submitted to His will, ultimately trusting in Him, even when it is difficult. After all, what is faith? Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." And 2 Corinthians 5:6, "We live by faith, not by sight." So I must remind myself, He is trustworthy and I am to live by that alone. Meanwhile, i'll struggle, get angry and frustrated, even though there is no need.....will I ever learn? Thank You Lord for being patient with me and for helping me.
Monday, September 3, 2012
So, my other half just left to go back to McMinnville. We are separated by miles and the yearnings of our hearts to be together. I can't explain it, nor would I want to. I know it's the way it has to be for now, and some may think me silly, it is what it is for me, and it's hard.
I laid on the bed crying, Sadie came up and tried to comfort me, as she always does. She is the best friend ever, never tries to fix or judge or cajole, just, "I'm here with you, right up next to you." Ron is right, she is the Holy Spirit, lol. And lest you are quick to scream "Blasphemy!", if you have not been fortunate enough to know one of these furry souls, I ask you to withhold your judgement.
I then began to straighten up in the kitchen, and thought, is this how i'm supposed to be? What would so-and-so say if she saw me? Would they say I am weak and needy, and can't get along without a man? Hmm, let's see, what kind of woman is the media telling me I should be today? A strong warrior-woman who looks down on anyone with a penis, or successful, dependent on no one, I come first? I know the answer before I ask the questions. Proverbs 31:10-31:
I laid on the bed crying, Sadie came up and tried to comfort me, as she always does. She is the best friend ever, never tries to fix or judge or cajole, just, "I'm here with you, right up next to you." Ron is right, she is the Holy Spirit, lol. And lest you are quick to scream "Blasphemy!", if you have not been fortunate enough to know one of these furry souls, I ask you to withhold your judgement.
I then began to straighten up in the kitchen, and thought, is this how i'm supposed to be? What would so-and-so say if she saw me? Would they say I am weak and needy, and can't get along without a man? Hmm, let's see, what kind of woman is the media telling me I should be today? A strong warrior-woman who looks down on anyone with a penis, or successful, dependent on no one, I come first? I know the answer before I ask the questions. Proverbs 31:10-31:
10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Okay, there's my answers, which I knew in my heart any way. But there comes into play as well, my personality. I lived alone, but with my kids every other week, for 18 years, made decisions, raised those kids, etc. I find that I am simple and complex at the same time. I enjoy wine and some drinks, can't stand drunkenness. I like risque, can't stand smut. I want my man to be the Biblical head of our home, but I want input...and a wise man asks for it, as does David. I find I fit into no hole of any kind, square or round. I'm old-fashioned about some things, but definitely do not want to be stifled in any way. I just know that I have to follow my heart. And right now, my heart hurts, because even though this job could spell the end of an extremely trying and in many ways, horrific time in our lives, like everything in life, it also brings some challenges. Our being apart for a time is one of them.
I only want to be a help to David, so I will not tell him until we are moved, if we do indeed move, how hard this was for me. So I find, after the tears, the weariness, yep, even some fears, that i'm still there. And most importantly, that there is One who is with me always and never leaves me, ever. I feel His presence as vividly as though He was here physically. And as I meditate on Him and see all that He has done in my life, a feeling of calm sweeps over my soul and I know that everything will be alright. That He is with Dave too and ministering to him as well. The Word says in Genesis 5:2, "He created them male and female, and he blessed them and called them "human." And then in Genesis 1:27, " So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." So the feminine attributes are God's as well, He understands my woman's heart, He created it like His. I sense this in His presence and am quieted and peaceful once again.
I will always miss David when we are apart, but I can rest in knowing that we will be together again, and in the meantime, God is with me. And that He gifted us this little furry creature that seems to understand better than a lot of humans I know. <3
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