Friday, January 15, 2016

He is Faithful

3 God, your God, will restore everything you lost; he'll have compassion on you; he'll come back and pick up the pieces from all the places where you were scattered. ~ Deuteronomy 30:3

This is what it feels like at my house today.  Last night 3 of our 4 kids were with us, pizza, laughter and a healing begun in a relationship broken.  And this time....this time....all know and serve the Lord.  As a mom, nothing else is better in the whole world, and to get to share it with my husband, and that's a sacred word to me, "husband", it was simply Heaven on earth to me.  We hardly ever get to see Molly & Will.  Such sweet and generous kids, love them so much.

It can't always be about Josh, but this is still so new to me, this new man, witnessing changes only the Living God can bring about, is astounding.  Our home filled with love and peace.  Obviously, there is adjusting going on, but I think we're doing pretty well.

  I can look back over my life and realize very astutely that the Lord has been with me every step, though it didn't feel like it often times.  Never the less, He was, watching over me, caring for me, at times when I didn't care much for myself.

And then the boy being locked up for 4 years.  For most of that time I just couldn't wholly face it.  I pushed it way down to keep from thinking about it.  I loved him so much that the thought of what he could be dealing with was too much for me.  And again, the Lord sustained.  And when we picked him up in the cold, damp of early morning, it was as though the dam burst and the last 4 years of pain flowed out and was replaced with some of the purest joy i've ever experienced.

And Dave, my beloved, my heart, sharer of my essence, I cannot believe every day how blessed I am to be married to him.  That is not to say that every day is blissful and exciting and perfect, lol, but it is to say that the deep love and affection I feel for him is fresh every day and I remember the lonely, dark days and am filled with excitement and gratitude anew.  He loves me truly, takes care of me in the sweetest ways.  As I like to say, I am terminally smitten, I cherish him every single day.

So right now, this very minute, this very day, my heart is full to overflowing.  This is as good as it gets down here.  I think of single friends who would like to marry and feel their pain, those suffering with cancer and my heart breaks for them, etc.  I am not oblivious to the heartache around me and I empathize.  So I say thank You to the One who is Everything for this season, and pray on behalf of those I care about.

Pinching myself.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

A New Life

So here I am.  There's a miracle walking around my house every day and I can hardly believe it sometimes.  The ups and downs, many more downs, his own personal 4-year long ordeal, and here's this man.  Looks just like Josh. ;)  But gone is the anger, the entitlement attitude, the ungratefulness and so much more.  Here stands a man transformed by the Spirit of the Living God.  People rarely change, they can if they work really, really hard, but what they don't have is that sweet spirit that only the Lord can give us.  And I see it in my son.  He is considerate, thankful to us and God, helpful around here, etc.  I could go on and on about how he's changed and the things he does, but my point in this is the power of God to bring change and give peace, not as the world gives.

There is a sweetness to Josh now that was not there before.  God, in His mighty love, either brings us to where we realize our need for salvation, or uses what we've done to ourselves or our circumstances to do that.  As my Pastor said, He's chasing us because He wants to bless us and we run from Him!  So true for us all until we surrender to that big love. 

I don't really wanna make this an ode to Josh, but I wasn't there to watch the change, I only saw before and after, and I can tell you that "after" is remarkably different than "before."  And as his mom, the greatest thing for me in it all, is to know that deep in his heart, he now has peace and that we will be together in Heaven.  As I get older, I have come to realize that eternity is what life is all about, as paradoxical as that sounds.  So, part of my days right now are spent gratefully in conversation and sharing with my re-born son.