Why, when children opt for a different, and reckless, path than we, do we say "we" have failed? This is not always accurate.
Without belaboring all that I did for my son, I can say that I always loved him with a deep passion, I desired good for him with an even deeper one. I made sure he was in church every week, I lived Christianity in front of him to the best of my ability, I tried not to believe all that appeared regarding him, I filled him up with nutritious food, kept him clean, made sure his mind was not polluted by the wrong things on television, etc. Was I perfect, absolutely not, did I love him more than life, absolutely yes. Did he know it? Absolutely! And still, the path he chose was as different than any I could've imagined. It was not a good choice for him.
Now, before you say, "oh, you're just a mom who wants what she wants and can't accept that her child has chosen outside of her values," the path he has taken has resulted in prison time, 3 children with 2 different mothers, neither of whom were his wife. He doesn't have a wife. Like many in the current culture, he meets them and they move in and that's that. Now, 2 of those children are estranged from him, the other adopted by others. He, now 38, still goes his own way, and broken all contact with his immediate family.
I have spent years weeping, praying. Those days are done for now. I give all to Christ. I am spent on his behalf. He has lashed out at me, recently over who I'm going to vote for...not his business. There comes a time when you must cease looking back, like Lot's wife, because it only serves to make you soluble and you dissolve into nothing. Time to look forward, to invest your energy in those around you whom you love and love you. No more time spent alone in the bedroom in tears, while life is going on around you.
He has made his choices, now he will have to live with them. He will always be my son and I will always love him, but those 2 things just don't matter much anymore. People that love me are weary from watching me in pain over this person. So here Lord, take my son, I pray that one day he will hear Your voice and return to You. But please remove the hurt & pain of being ripped and torn by one I love so, so much. And help me live my life without that cloud.