It
comes on the heels of a restless night's sleep.
As is my routine, I come on here to check email and Facebook. I have left the tab open with the live cam of
the eagles on the nest. I check in to
find one right there, as always, he/she on the nest. Research tells me it is the female on the
nest the majority of the time. Lord, You
put that mother's heart in your creatures.
It remains in mine big-time.
My
daughter, Molly, doing fine, is happy with her own home and wonderful husband
Will. Not much mothering needed
there....and yet, when something goes topsy-turvey, I get a call, she still
needs me. ♥
And then
there's my boy, Josh, who's made a mess of his life. Recently he turned to Christ for real and the
difference is amazing. A long way to go,
but we rarely change overnight. He has
some stuff going on that is scaring him to death and hurting his heart,
particularly that he has caused most of it himself. This mother's heart is with him, over
him. My prayers are heartfelt and
pleading. There are other people
involved and I surely don't want to hurt them in trying to get them to understand
his position, but I must try. I love all
involved, so I am trying to tread lightly and not overstep.
A while back I
felt that my job was pretty much over, that I was at the end, not the beginning
or even the middle, and the kids were grown and moving on. But the Lord was quick to check that
attitude. While it's true, my kids have
left the nest as they should, it is also true that while I admire eagles, I am
not one. I'm a woman who loves her
children with big love. This job will
never be "done."
I love them
both, but one needs me more. He has no
one but me, no one. He has burned every
bridge, and very nearly burned ours, but God.
I will say he has maintained one friendship, and I am eternally grateful
to Jason for this. In fact Jason told me
something once I will never forget, "you can't expect something from
someone that they don't have to give."
Invaluable and true. But my son
still needs help in navigating life. Now
that he belongs to Christ, there is much comfort in that, but he has a lot of
learning and growing to do, as do we all.
I'm here for
him as long as i'm here. I have secret
hopes and dreams for him and his kids, but only God knows the outcome. I may not live to see it, I do hope so
though.
And when he is
released from prison, Lord willing, we will have our reunion and celebrate his
return. And when it gets hard, trying to
find a job when you're a felon, a place to live for the same reason, etc., we
will cling to the Lord and wait and see what He will do.
Meantime, like
those eagles, i'm not leaving my post, not abdicating the thrown, lol. I'm a mom who didn't think she ever would
be. Through the gift of adoption, I have
two really great kids that I thank God for.
I'm here for them as long as I breathe.
He gives the barren woman a home,
making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD! ~ Psalm 113:9
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