Contrasts

fear not, for I am with you;
    be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.~Isaiah 41:10

I am a seeker.  On a journey to find a balance between the ethereal and the practical.  I started out on being a "Monk in the World" through a web site.  It is in many ways a wonderful place, but they do not profess that Jesus Christ is the only way to God.  So I filter and pick up what is useful, leave the rest.  I found that the gentle sound of Tibetan bowls playing brought me so much peace and rest, I have it going everyday now.  I also found that spending time with the Lord, not asking for anything, not even in dialogue, just being in His presence, brings the most peace and my relationship with Him is deeper because of it.

My bent is toward the ethereal.  I love the arts, music, poetry, film, beauty in all its forms.  I spend a lot of time with those things.  But as a follower of Christ, being a monk in the world does not mean to sequester yourself away, but rather to go where He calls you, to do what is in front of you, to love as He loves.

It is a rainy morning here in Southern Oregon, no walk for me and my little Doxie this morning.   We shall take the steps out and through to the other building, down the elevator (Doxies are not supposed to go up and down stairs) out to the alley for her to do her business, then dash back in.  She will have her treat and current meds for skin rash, I will have a bowl of Kashi and mandatory LARGE cup of coffee and proceed with the order of the day.  Today that involves more packing, more memories, more dreading tomorrow's medical procedure.  The days are becoming a melange of emotions and things to be done.  *Not in a whiny voice.  All I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother, that's it, you know, the picket fence thing.  It was all torn apart when my first husband, whom I adopted 2 children with, left me for someone else.  And with that betrayal followed a largely dark path as far as any financial stability was concerned.  That said, as always, God was faithful and did not let my foot slip.  Many trials and such as befalls the vast majority in my circumstances.  So, when Dave got this job, we were thrilled, so looking forward to the move for so many reasons.

As often happens, life is unpredictable.  So amidst the excitement of the job and move, I am also dealing with some health issues.  Hopefully it will not be anything serious.  I won't linger here long, just added for contrast, lol. 

Our lives are in His loving hands, whatever comes.  Life isn't fair, we say it, but I think we really feel that it should be.  To accept that it isn't is one thing, but to accept that it isn't and He knows about it and allows it can throw us at times.  Ultimately, we must believe in His sovereignty and that He is love and will do what is best for us.

I struggle with this.  I am always for the under-dog, always rooting for justice and freedom.  So when life seems to dump a load of undeserved sorrow on someone with a good and loving heart, I am outraged.  I rebel, I rant and rave...even if only on the inside.  Why would He place the instinct of survival in us, so very, very strong, only to continually collide with it?

Seems to always come down to simply whether I believe or not.  I do.