Ebb & Flow

For everything there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven.~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

And so it goes.  As we are about to launch into a new season, already have really, all around us there is loss and sorrow, new beginnings, continued endeavors.  What i'm finding is that when you are coming out of a lengthy trial, you are not the same...duh.  As joyful as you are about the passing of this difficult time, that almost did you in, is the same thing that makes you aware, and keenly, of the suffering of others.  You long to encourage, to help, yet knowing that we all have to walk the path He puts before us. 

It is on that path that I have learned more and more of His heart, of Him.  Cliches i've heard forever, proved true.  He is indeed faithful, every time, all the time.  We are never out of His loving view.  As a parent watches their child struggle to grow, and can only learn some lessons through falling off the bike a time or two, so He allows our hearts to break, allows circumstances to bring us to our knees.  Sometimes we receive correction, sometimes it is just tough love.  He knows what will best serve to teach us about Him, about our place in the world where He can best use us. 

I must say that coming through the last 7 years, there have been tremendous highs as well as the lows.  I learned that He did not abandon us in our circumstances.  He gave me the best gift of this earthly life, my love, my treasure, my David.  We never once turned on each other, that is to His glory and our love for one another.  My stubborn will had to be broken, and it has indeed.  The stubborn spirit that says "I'm depressed, I can't handle this, I'm just gonna lay in bed and be sad."  I learned that is not acceptable.  Might be okay for a day or two, but then Philippians 4:13 comes into play, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  It is true...whether I want it to be or not. 

While it's true, you never have to look far to see others whose suffering far exceeds your own, our own pain matters to Him.  He longs to comfort and have us react with faith, even in sorrow.  He knows the plans He has for us, plans for a future and for good for us, whether on this side, or when we see Him face to face.

I cannot lie.  I don't like pain, I don't like my plans thwarted, I don't like the effects of a quiet disease on my body, especially when I have caused it myself.  The thing is, He doesn't leave me alone in all that.  He is with me, I can depend on Him.  And ultimately, I cast my cares upon Him, because He cares for me....even if i've caused those cares myself.  That's what love does, it doesn't lay blame or "should" you, it just loves and offers help.

So, mingled in these days of joy for the job and the miraculous way it came and ended this long-endured season, there are those all around us dealing with illness, death, financial crises, etc. and I do and will always want to rage against those things.  Difference is instead of beating my fists at the air, I try with all that is within me to trust His sovereignty and His love and pray.