Tuesday, October 14, 2014

For Today

It's my favorite time of year.  Like a lot of people, Fall fills me with warmth, anticipation of soft fabrics against my skin, that wonderful, warm tingling when you've been chilled and then get warm again.  All of the comforting things of the season, pumpkins, warm cider, fires, falling leaves, and on it goes. 

I look out back and find our lawn chairs pad-less and ready to be stored for the Winter, something we've never had to worry about before.  They look odd and out of place now.  They remind me of Summer days, when people sat on them, around the table eating Summer fare, laughter and love shared.  It was a great Summer really.  The heat got to me, we will be better prepared next year hopefully.  But dreams fulfilled, that's what Summer was.  To be in a house again, after 24 years brought a peace to my soul that I cannot even describe.  Granted, it's not ours, we're still renting and most likely will always be, but never the less, the Lord gave us this place as surely as anything and I am forever grateful, for as long as it lasts.  Watching my little Sadie-bug laying out in the sun will be in my heart forever, she never could before.  She can now chase the little resident squirrel when he comes into our yard and the birds to her little Badger-dog heart's content.

As Summer passed with BBQ's, guests and settling in, we have now moved into my favorite season.  That alligator has reared his ugly head loud and clear....and honestly, it's not always without help from me.  Questions, health issues, doubts, it is my nature to be melancholy anyhow and I do become super-introspective in the Fall and Winter.  I am finding as I mature, after the Wilderness Years, anticipation, joy and expectancy are failing.  Never in the Lord, He is my joy always.  I mean life events, because you can never guess the outcome, or be assured of it, I am just sort of numb.  I am praying that it returns. 

More than ever before, I know that He is all there is ultimately.  Knowing Christ is so, so sweet and precious.  For my security-conscious soul, He is the only real security there is.  My struggle is having that be enough.  Life turns out differently than we could ever have dreamed.  At an age when retirement should be around the corner, we are just beginning, knowing Dave will have to work until he cannot. 
But here's what I have to do every day.  For today, he has a job and we have our place.  We have our needs met and Will is coming for a couple days.  And that is what life is about, other than the Lord.  Family and friends and time spent together.  So the chicken stock is bubbling away on the stove, the little red dog sleeping on the red chair, lol, music by David Nevue playing, the ground wet and glistening.  Today there is no surgery, I know where Josh is, that he has food and shelter.  Today everything is alright and I lift hands and heart to God in thanks.

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