My heart is heavy tonight. I know of so many people suffering so many different things, illness, unemployment, dealing with new circumstances, etc. I love each one and my emotions run high and hard for them, and for ourselves. Still waiting to see if this job will work out.
It's not really about the circumstances, especially as a Christian, knowing the One who loves me best holds our days in His loving hands. But sometimes sorrow can overtake a heart that yearns to see those deserving be blessed with an abundance of what they need. I know that Christ is enough, His Word says His grace is sufficient, and so it is, I know by experience. And i'm not saying it isn't, or pretending that it is because if I didn't, that would make it not true, and ergo, He not believable. I know it is, but because of the very fact that His Spirit is in me, I long for justice, for blessing, for health, for enough, for laughter, for goodness.
What times we live in where things are backwards in many cases. Where parents get mad at school principals because their kids cheated, where 6 inches determines life or death, where the government has taken over the church's responsibility because the church has either failed, or hasn't the resources needed. That's just what comes to mind now, I am finding my mind being drawn away from what I know. Looking at circumstances and deciding that I need to worry. It does not matter what happens in the next month and a half. If my God wants us in McMinnville, then that's where we'll be, nothing can stop it, and if He doesn't, nothing can force it. I know that Dave is doing his very best, putting in longer than required hours and trying to live up to the excellence he demands of himself. So if it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be, no matter little sense it makes to us. I will cling to the Word of God and trust.
I have a dear friend who deals with chronic illness every single day, and does so with a smile. Other friends contending with cancer, and have been for a long time, I have never known such dignity and grace, and probably never will again. We have lost a dear, dear friend this past year to cancer, the loss is still felt. I know very few people who are okay on all fronts. Everybody's got something. It's how we deal with it that's the thing I guess. But some it seems get more than their fair share. Which could again, make me question my Creator. But no, I lay the blame squarely where it belongs, and that is to the enemy of our souls. We live in a fallen world, we cannot expect heaven here, aside from those beautiful souls that give us a glimpse from time to time. This is not Home, can't expect it to feel like it.
So, I know the bottom line, and I trust in my God. But tonight, this moment, I cry out to Him for my friends, for ourselves, and I know that as soon as my words cross my lips, they are met with compassion and love, and action, though I may not see it immediately. Jesus...Jesus...what that name evokes in me is perfect peace, and love. No way to explain it to someone who doesn't know, and how you wish you could.
I pray for wisdom, faith, patience and peace. He is gracious, merciful, loving, kind, He gives what I need, when I need it. And in His arms I rest.