The squirrel jumps up into the apple tree, surprising me. Usually he goes up the trunk, he must be feeling good, or in a hurry. The crows sweep in momentarily, then back out again. I miss them. Like dragonflies, I have an affinity for them. I never did until recently. I almost hated them, they were always picking on birds smaller than they, I heard they eat other baby birds and that did it for me. Until I saw a video about how smart they are, and one playing in the snow. Although I admire their intelligence, it was the playing that grabbed my heart. How could I dislike, despise really, anything that celebrated life like that? And once I decided I liked them, I sensed even more affection for them.
I have just had to try to explain to some friends why I can't do a favor they had asked. I feel bad about it. And I can't really explain it. These days are days of healing, that's the best way I know to put it. The Wilderness Years took a toll. But then I think, yeah, but Christ is supposed to be enough no matter what, and God totally carried you through that difficult time. This is the good stuff, the life-will-be-good-once-this-is-over stuff. And it is. But what i'm finding is that all kinds of thinking needs to be either tweaked, or gone. So this period of time spent with the Lord will be a harvest marked with a very particular crop. There are precious things to be stored in the heart from it, and there are dangerous, pointy things to be lopped off and discarded. And the thing about pointy things are that you can't just grab them and throw them away, you'll injure yourself doing that. Care must be taken, but the job must get underway at the same time.
Through a ministry this morning, I believe I heard the Lord's voice saying..."the time is now, we will begin, and as always, you have to trust Me." I'm not quite sure what this means, I will begin by being open to some new ways of thinking, and to go ahead and react with my heart with a degree of trust, because He is in my heart. Healing must come and it can only truly happen when trust is complete. So I think perhaps in better times it may be even harder than in really difficult times. We so quickly feel self-sufficient, when nothing could be further from the truth.
So I'm starting this path today, intentionally letting my guard down as much as I can, and letting Him fill in the empty spaces. I'm such a creature of habit, only time will tell if this sticks. Whatever He wants is what I want. And I know full well that He can change thinking and habits. I will put my feet in His footprints and cling to His hand as He leads the way completely out of the Wilderness.