As a Christian I believe that every detail of my life is seen by the Lord, and that He has a work in every detail.
So after this surgery, I find out that it was much worse than what we went in believing, she didn't know the extent until she started surgery. God knew. And so the recovery process is relatively long...especially for me. Don't get me wrong, i'm no ball of fire, I ultimately do not place my worth on what I get done. But I am a creature of habit, and it truly bugs me to have my plans thwarted, even tho they are usually simple plans.
When we moved into this house, it was...and is, my joy. I have cleaned things routinely that don't really need cleaning. I so want to honor the Lord for giving us this home. I was aware enough to ask that it not become an idol to me. I don't think it is, however, I have to wonder. Now I am way-layed. I can't clean thoroughly for some time. Will probably be almost spring. So I am looking at the Lord's timing in this.
My world has gotten so small. We don't have two cars, so I go nowhere until Dave gets home, and he's worked all day, so I try to avoid that when I can. I have no friends here, and with no car, couldn't meet them if I did. That has been my greatest adjustment. I knew this would be a "biggie." And it is. I am blessed with some really, really good friends and our weekly meetings meant the world to me, not being able to do that has left a huge hole that will remain unfilled. I don't want people to have to come to me, I don't want rides with others, etc. So it's simply the way it is until the Lord changes it.
Point is, the Lord has put me in this place, in this season. And arranged for surgery during the holidays. I am forced to be still to convalesce. Lots of time for thinking, reading and praying. I fail a lot and just fill time with silliness. But I have also adopted some practices that are enlightening and opening up new ways of seeing. I am reminded anew of how gracious and loving our Lord is. I think about the past, look into the future and know that ALL security lies in Him and Him alone, and He is faithful. He doesn't think like humans do, He doesn't keep score, He is love. That is my security. I have to know that He loves me, will do what is best for me, and just trust.
I have a few things so close to my heart, I will ask for these things, knowing He hears. And during my favorite time of the year, because of the holidays, and the season, Autumn and Winter are my favorites, I will seek Him and hopefully grow in Him. So, this time aside, idle, quiet....what a gift.♥