A few days of following my body's rhythm. Allowing rest and peace to flow freely, not known for so many years. I am feeling the tensions of 6 years trickle out of me and at times it is exhausting in the best possible way.
I know that for most of those 6 years, I suffered at my own hand. The Lord always stands ready to carry the load, I Peter 5:7, and to heal, it was I that delayed it all, giving in to fear and fearful imaginings. Never the less, He never left my side, ever.
I have learned invaluable lessons during The Wilderness Years. I didn't like those difficult years, and they are not completely gone yet, but I do know that much of my suffering was because I refused to loosen my grip on worry and fear.
I have written about all that, still am. But this is a new season and I want to write about it too. So what I am noticing is that my body and heart are in a state of quiet repair through the Holy Spirit, who moves gently, slowly, thoroughly.
These peaceful days are a treasure. A way of seeing the past with the scary stuff removed. Long, quiet days, so radically different than before. One thing I learned is that you cannot know His will for tomorrow, He seems to always give enough for one day at a time. But for as long as this lasts, I will savor it and enjoy it. Should it end next week or in 20 years, I will realize the beauty of it and give thanks.
So, tonight, as I sit at my computer, husband and pup tucked in, traffic in the background, a gentle breeze wafting through the open window, I lift up my boy, so on my heart, knowing that He has Josh in His hands, and whisper my gratitude for the blessings we are enjoying so very much right now. Thinking of all the moms with prodigals, nothing like it, and praying that He will lighten their loads too.