Thursday, February 20, 2014

Pressing On

I am surrounded by boxes.  I did this 11 years ago, and it unsettles me again.  I believe God put it in women to "nest."  Most of us need a place to call our own, as Mary Kate Danaher said, "Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of having my own things about me."  So while I know that "things" are not to be idolized, they are important to the feminine soul.  My joy is to create a home that me and my family can come to and find it a haven, a sanctuary, restful and nurturing.  So, to have everything so up in the air is difficult for me.  That said, this is an exciting time and I look forward to our home in Washington, apartment, townhouse, house, whatever it may be.

Because we learn from experience, which hopefully helps us do "it" better the next time, I have insecurities that rise from past disappointments.  Forgetting that the Lord has ministered to my heart, to forget the past and look to the future and what He is preparing for us.

Old hurts come to mind, an extremely painful divorce in 1989, the years of poverty and struggle that followed, and that is a LOADED sentence.  My kids still bearing the effects.  Then finally getting to relocate here to be near my brother and Sue, and having to live with my mom for a year, which should have been beneficial to us both, but rather turned into another ordeal.  The place we've been living in now was another miracle in my life and though it has lots of quirks and funky stuff, has been my home, my retreat and where Dave & I met and fell in love.  So to be packing up again without knowing where I am going is unnerving....until I remember Who is in control. 

So the days are full of bouncing between quiet panic and reminding myself that God's got us.  Whatever happens, He does not change, nor is He surprised by any events. 

I get discouraged at times because I know my response to things is not pleasing to Him, and I want to get to that place of faith that my knee-jerk reaction is not negative in the least, or panicked at most.  I praise God that He works with me and helps me, perhaps one day.

I have been recounting all He's done for me & Dave, it is truly amazing and I will share it later after settled.  But as I look back over my life, my whole life, He has NEVER failed me, ever.  So my soul needs to rest and trust and just move forward.  His eye is on the sparrow, surely He will continue to care for me & my love.

I know a few single moms, I remember those days.  I had it easier than those I know.  My marriage was of such long duration that I got spousal support, which was still well below poverty level, but with food stamps and family help, allowed me to be home with my kids.  I digress, lol, point being, I wish these moms knew Christ, really knew Christ and relied on Him.  His love & care never cease and He can comfort and encourage like no other.  I will continue to pray that they will.

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