Saturday, October 17, 2015


I had intended this to be a completely different slant.  I was in prayer and as anyone who's walked with the Lord very long knows, tears often are a part of praise.  I was thinking they are drops of praise.  That each one holds the gratitude of a heart that had just about given up hope....but God.  And when words cannot accurately convey what is in the heart, tears, just tears to a God who understands and keeps those tears in a bottle.

But almost as soon as I was thinking about that, something took place that made me want to change, and acknowledge that most of the time tears are for when words won't do for sure.  Words weren't made to express the broken heart.  When one is so completely misunderstood by one so dearly loved.

My son called and what he proceeded to say so hurt that I could not continue the phone call.  He was calm and not on a rant, but explaining some things he took issue with.  And "those" kinds of tears fell.  They are teeming with pain and disbelief. 

What I am coming to realize that midst the process of aging with a disease I can't get a handle on, weariness from a 7-year wilderness journey, but the love of precious family and friends, and a man that so blesses me every single day, i'm getting off that train.  Disembarking.  I no longer have the strength to do battle over imaginings and the past.  I go forward now.  There is no reverse on this car.  ;) 

But when I come before my first Love, wounds are tended and hearts made full because He paid the price for all our imperfections and bad choices.  I come away having wept out praise once again.  He is in control and one very important difference now, He is in control of my boy's life too.  So though there be set-backs here and there, the path he is on is straight, finally.  Nothing but tears of praise for that!

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