It comes on the heels of a restless night's sleep. As is my routine, I come on here to check email and Facebook. I have left the tab open with the live cam of the eagles on the nest. I check in to find one right there, as always, he/she on the nest. Research tells me it is the female on the nest the majority of the time. Lord, You put that mother's heart in your creatures. It remains in mine big-time.
My daughter, Molly, doing fine, is happy with her own home and wonderful husband Will. Not much mothering needed there....and yet, when something goes topsy-turvey, I get a call, she still needs me. ♥
And then there's my boy, Josh, who's made a mess of his life. Recently he turned to Christ for real and the difference is amazing. A long way to go, but we rarely change overnight. He has some stuff going on that is scaring him to death and hurting his heart, particularly that he has caused most of it himself. This mother's heart is with him, over him. My prayers are heartfelt and pleading. There are other people involved and I surely don't want to hurt them in trying to get them to understand his position, but I must try. I love all involved, so I am trying to tread lightly and not overstep.
A while back I felt that my job was pretty much over, that I was at the end, not the beginning or even the middle, and the kids were grown and moving on. But the Lord was quick to check that attitude. While it's true, my kids have left the nest as they should, it is also true that while I admire eagles, I am not one. I'm a woman who loves her children with big love. This job will never be "done."
I love them both, but one needs me more. He has no one but me, no one. He has burned every bridge, and very nearly burned ours, but God. I will say he has maintained one friendship, and I am eternally grateful to Jason for this. In fact Jason told me something once I will never forget, "you can't expect something from someone that they don't have to give." Invaluable and true. But my son still needs help in navigating life. Now that he belongs to Christ, there is much comfort in that, but he has a lot of learning and growing to do, as do we all.
I'm here for him as long as i'm here. I have secret hopes and dreams for him and his kids, but only God knows the outcome. I may not live to see it, I do hope so though.
And when he is released from prison, Lord willing, we will have our reunion and celebrate his return. And when it gets hard, trying to find a job when you're a felon, a place to live for the same reason, etc., we will cling to the Lord and wait and see what He will do.
Meantime, like those eagles, i'm not leaving my post, not abdicating the thrown, lol. I'm a mom who didn't think she ever would be. Through the gift of adoption, I have two really great kids that I thank God for. I'm here for them as long as I breathe.
He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD! ~ Psalm 113:9