After my walk this morning, while driving home, I was thinking of all that lie ahead. If all goes well, a move 4 hours away. All the packing, expense and details of that. If it doesn't work out, what will we do then? My mind began to swirl, and I was reminded of Philippians 4:6, "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." And even more, I Peter 5:7, "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." So then I began to question why this is so difficult for me. I mean I totally believe God's Word and do not struggle with salvation and other things, but to give Him all of my worries and care, that is so very hard.
So, it occurred to me, it must be a trust issue. Jesus said not to be anxious, period. He did not say, don't be anxious, give it all to me and i'll work it out just how you like it, don't be anxious, I'll do whatever you want, etc. Just don't be anxious. I know the why of it. Because He loves us so much, no more need be said...if we trust Him.
Why is this so hard? If you've been a Christian very long, you've learned that what seems good in our economy, is not always good in heaven's. God sees the end from the beginning and always acts according to our good. Romans 8:28. Ah, there's the rub. Who determines what "good" is? If it is us, life will be prosperous, we'll be healthy and won't have a care. If God does, there will be suffering along with blessing. I Peter 4:12-13 says, "12 Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." And James 1:2-4, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
So it is in this tension between what seems right to me, and what is right in God's will, life must be lived. So though I know I will continue to struggle between the two, I remain totally submitted to His will, ultimately trusting in Him, even when it is difficult. After all, what is faith? Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." And 2 Corinthians 5:6, "We live by faith, not by sight." So I must remind myself, He is trustworthy and I am to live by that alone. Meanwhile, i'll struggle, get angry and frustrated, even though there is no need.....will I ever learn? Thank You Lord for being patient with me and for helping me.